First National Constitution of the Provisional Territories of the F.A.R.T.
The First National Constitution of the Provisional Territories of the F.A.R.T., sometimes referred to by its full title, The First National Constitution of the Provisional Territories of the Great United Democratic People's Republic and Hegemonic Communist Commonwealth of the Free Autocratic Republic of Totalitarianism and Populist Liberation Front for the Federal Tsardom of the Russian Empire and California on Behalf of the Betterment of the World! and Imperial Charter of Such with the Intention of Explicitly Outlining the Laws and Customs of a most Beauteous Nation for the Benefit of All! is a unified document that was created after the need for a generalized constitution arose in the Provisional Territories of the F.A.R.T.
Although not yet signed into law by the Supreme Dictator or any other member of the Central Government, it is the de facto law of the land. Do to this lack of signage, adjustments to the constitution are, at present, able to be made without formally billing them as amendments.
Thus, it reads in full:
Preamble: the Declaration of Independence
"To all whom this may concern (which may be a lot of people):
I, Supreme Dictator and Exalted Overlord Vladimir Valentinovich Veselovsky, do hereby openly declare sovereignty of our fabulous nation, the Provisional Territories of the F.A.R.T. This declaration shall stand as a binding international document which immediately establishes the Provisional Territories of the F.A.R.T. as an independent and sovereign state in such a way as to comply with international law. Such independence is taking into full account the will of the people, and I acknowledge that I, as Supreme Dictator of a United F.A.R.T., shall, to the fullest of my abilities, act as humble servant to my people or vice versa.
Sincerely,
Supreme Dictator and Exalted Overlord Vladimir Valentinovich Veselovsky"
Article 1––General Governmental Assemblage
Power of the Central Government
1. The immaculate title of Supreme Dictator is awarded to the highest ranking officer of the Central Government, who is henceforth granted absolute power over everything that may or may not occur in the F.A.R.T., and, in turn, He may promise to use the power vested in Him for the betterment of His people, His nation, and His world. Therefore, His will must be carried out promptly and without sarcasm.
2. Besides the Supreme Dictator, any other position designated as being of the Central Government has unquestionable authority over Local Governments and their officials unless otherwise prohibited by the Supreme Dictator.
Power of the Local Government
1. A Local Government is entrusted with the day-to-day governing of its citizens, but has almost no say outside of their jurisdiction. Even in certain local matters, the Local Government is expected to defer to the Central Government. Criminals may not be sentenced and elections may not be rigged without the explicit approval of the Central Government.
2. It is perhaps the most important and patriotic duty of the Local Government to collect tax from its citizens. This tax will be passed on to the Central Government, which will spend or not spend the tax in a manner they deem appropriate.
The Electoral Process and Dictatorial Appointment
1. Officials of the Central Government need not be elected, for they shall, in good faith, be chosen by our Decider, the Supreme Dictator.
2. Future officials of a Local Government will be nominated for candidacy by the Supreme Dictator, then will be chosen in a fair vote by the citizens of the appropriate state. Citizens are not expected to vote differently than the Supreme Dictator, but if they do, the Supreme Dictator retains the power to overrule an incorrect democratic vote.
3. Officials in both the Central Government and the Local Government are expected to remain in power as long as they are necessary or capable of serving their country. If they must abdicate their position or die, it is up to the Supreme Dictator to fill or not fill their absence.
4. Officials of the Local Government will be legally compelled to hold free, public elections as frequently or sporadically as the Local Government deems fit.
5. The Supreme Dictator has the ability to fire, replace, appoint, execute, or otherwise modify the officialdom of the Central Government or a Local Government.
Governmental Succession by Absentia and or Death
1. Whether by abdication or death, the title of Supreme Dictator would be passed down to the next highest authority figure in the Civil Branch of the Central Government.
2. No officer of the Military Branch may be appointed to a Civil position in the Central Government.
3. Any member of the Central Government who is deemed absent or dead for a prolonged period of time shall be replaced by the standard Dictatorial Appointment.
4. Any member of a Local Government who is deemed absent or dead for a prolonged period of time shall be replaced by the standard Local Electoral Process.
Article 2––Member States of the Union
Admittance to the Union
1. The Supreme Dictator is the only entity capable of admitting a prospective state into the F.A.R.T.
2. A state may only be officiated after certain Subnational Symbols are adopted and the Local Government is prepared to be sworn in.
Autonomous and Semi-Autonomous States
1. Upon or prior to their assimilation into the Union, States shall be designated either as Autonomous or Semi-Autonomous.
2. Autonomous states will retain relative self-governance.
3. Semi-Autonomous states will be more directly monitored and guided by the wise hand of the Central Government.
Provinces, Republics, Provincial Republics, and Protectorates
1. Republics are to be governed by an Imperial Chancellor who maintains local affairs like tax collection.
2. Provinces are to be governed by an Executive Governor who also maintains local affairs like tax collection, though provinces are also to have a Ceremonial Monarch, referred to as either King or Queen, a figurehead who holds no Legislative Power.
3. Provincial Republics combine the latter two forms of government in an ambiguous way, which is why they are so-called Semi-Constitutional Provincial Republics. Power in a Provincial Republic is divided between the Imperial Chancellor and Executive Governor. Also, a Ceremonial Monarch is retained.
4. Protectorates are also vaguely defined, as none of the aforementioned rules apply to the Local Government of a Protectorate, which is allotted less restrictions in terms of titles and other commonly standardized goings-on. A Protectorate is never to be labelled Autonomous or Semi-Autonomous, as they are always Autonomous unless they aren't.
5. The content of this or any section notwithstanding, governmental positions undefined may be instituted if they be of lesser authority than traditionally defined positions and approved of by the Supreme Dictator, except protectorates, which may disregard naming customs but must obide by the wish of the Supreme Dictator in regards to the use of such names.
Armed Forces of Member States
1. Any state of the F.A.R.T. is guaranteed the right and encouraged to form a defense-oriented State Militia, to known as Subnational Armed Forces.
2. No Subnational Armed Forces are allowed the right to arms without permission from the Central Government.
3. No Local Militia has the power to wage war against any other entity, whether it be foreign or domestic, without orders from the Central Government.
Article 3––National Symbols
National Symbols
1. The F.A.R.T. shall always have a National Dictatorial Anthem. While it is playing, citizens are required to stand at attention, take off their headgear, especially if it is religious, salute the singer or audio playback device, and place a hand over their gallbladder.
2. The National Salute of the F.A.R.T. is created by folding one's arm so as to place the back of the hand touching or almost touching one's shoulder of the same side, elbow down. The hand must be closed in a fist with the thumb covering the middle section of the first two fingers. This should be used as a formal greeting and farewell to fellow citizens.
3. The National Salute to the Military is used when greeting military, militia, or police officers. It is created by simply raising both hands up in the air.
4. There must be a National Flag, and there should be a National Coat of Arms.
5. The National Currency of the F.A.R.T. is the Imperial F.A.R.T. Dollar, which can be embodied by any tubular piece of cardboard notarized with proof of mint by the Central Government.
6. The National Motto of the F.A.R.T. is "In the Supreme Dictator we Trust!"
7. The National Provisional Capitol of the F.A.R.T. is the Autonomous Republic of East Zbrizka.
8. The National Bird is the Emu, a symbol of Power. The National Animal is the Tarsier, a symbol of Wisdom. The National Insect is the Jumping Spider (specifically those of the Phidippus genus), a symbol of Freedom. The National Fish is the Red-Lipped Batfish, a Symbol of Happiness.
9. The National Sport is Chess.
10. There are four National Holidays that must be celebrated annually: 1 April is Communism Day, 9 May is Victory Day, 8 September is Supreme Dictator's Day, and 4 December is Independence Day.
11. There are two Political Parties officially sanctioned within the F.A.R.T.: The National Nationalist Party and the National Communist Party. No Persons shall be barred from joining either Party, nor will they be ejected, though they must mind public appearances when it comes to their Party membership or lack of it.
12. All National Symbols must be treated with respect or else.
Subnational Symbols
1. Every Local Government must adopt a Subnational Flag, as well as a Subnational Motto.
2. In order to avoid discrimination, any language spoken, no matter by how many Persons or to what degree of fluency, shall be declared an Official Language of that State, and subsequently of the F.A.R.T. as a whole.
3. States may adopt Local Holidays, but they only need be celebrated within the jurisdiction of their adoption.
4. Though not necessary, states may be granted the right to adopt National Animals, etc., as symbols of their state.
Article 4––Citizenship and Citizens
Naturalization and Citizenship
1. Citizens are persons, animals, or, in special cases, inanimate objects who willingly live on territory officially claimed by the F.A.R.T.
2. To become a citizen, one must be born in the F.A.R.T. or become naturalized upon notation of such by the Supreme Dictator.
3. All citizens of the F.A.R.T. may hold dual citizenship with any other country, whether recognized by the F.A.R.T. as such or not.
Constitutional Rights
1. All citizens of the F.A.R.T., regardless of their species or lack of it, shall be treated equally.
2. No citizen's Constitutional Rights shall be violated.
Curtailment of Rights
1. Any citizen found exercising civil liberties in a way deemed by the Supreme Dictator or Central Government to be contrary, subversive, or treasonous to the state or its officials will be liable to have their rights bent in such a way as to correct their misdeed(s).
2. As per the previous clause, all citizens Constitutional Rights can be violated.
Duties of a Citizen
1. The most desired quality of a citizen is their willingness to submit to the will of His Eminence, the Supreme Dictator, who shall promise to reward those who are good to the Central Government.
2. A citizen must pay tax on time and without grievence if he wishes to live a long and or fullfilling life.
3. He also must take heed to these words, those of the National Pledge of Allegience, which he should recite as often as possible: "On the good name of the F.A.R.T., I do solemnly swear to ceaselessly cherish and obey our Supreme Dictator, lest I run the risk of defaming that infallible institution, our ever-treasured government, to which I hereby pledge my undying servitude and love."
Article 5––The National Armed Forces and Emergency Protocol
National Problematic Scenarii
1. In times of a National State of War, National State of Potential War, National State of Emergency, National State of Potential Emergency, National State of Danger, National State of Potential Danger, National State of Training Exercise, National State of Potential Training Exercise, are, in that order, known as the National Problematic Scenarii; various states of emergency protocol which serve to alert citizens to the level of danger they face.
2. The Supreme Dictator is the only figure capable of enacting any emergency protocol.
The National Armed Forces
1. In the case of a National Problematic Scenario being declared, it is likely that the Supreme Dictator would summon the Minister of War, who would forge the National Armed Forces by drawing able-bodied persons from the Subnational Armed Forces. Power is then entrusted in the Minister of War to arm his Red Army appropriately and with proper discretion in a way that will most effeciently aid the crisis, whatever it be.
2. The only weapons of war authorized for use by the Supreme Dictator are nerf guns, airsoft guns, nuclear weapons, and death rays.
National State of Anarchy
1. If a National State of Anarchy was declared, the F.A.R.T. would plunge into a state of temporary chaos. The Central and Local Governments would dissolve as a formal entity and the officials would attempt to stabilize the situation by abandoning their posts and arming themselves in the hope of defeating the opposition in a full-fledged civil war.
2. Once the anarchy has been quelled, the usual governments would reclaim their former positions.
Article 6––The National Legal Code
Explanation of the Legal System
1. There are two types of criminal sentencing in the F.A.R.T.: simulated death by nerf firing squad and or hefty fines of Imperial F.A.R.T. Dollars.
2. The Supreme Dictator and the Minister of Justice are the only officers capable of charging a citizen with a crime, and only the Supreme Dictator is allowed to return a verdict or prescribe a sentence.
3. In the courts of the F.A.R.T., defendants are guaranteed an impartial trial by a judge, jury, and executioner of their superiors, where they shall be considered guilty until proven guilty.
Crimes and Punishments
1. Felonies punishable by death: Homicide, War Crimes, High Treason, or Conspiracy to Commit High Treason.
2. Felonies not punishable by death: Assault and or Battery, Attempted Homicide, and Armed Robbery.
3. Misdemeanors punishable by death: Resisting Arrest, Tax Evasion, Indecent Exposure, Low Treason, Conspiracy to Commit Low Treason, Disorderly Conduct, and Free Speech.
4. Misdemeanors not punishable by death: Unarmed Robbery, Counterfeiting, Petty Theft, and Manslaughter.
Article 7––The Amendment Process
An Explanation of the Amendment Process
1. The Supreme Dictator reserves the right to adjust this document as he sees fit, whenever the notion strikes him.
2. Amendments, if applicable, will be listed after this Article.
Amendments
None yet.